Friday, September 10, 2010

You were so beautiful.

You were so beautiful
The time we had was beautiful
The 40 years was not enough
Taking it from us was like robbery
The void you left is bigger than time
It’s like a force of sadness leaving me crying
I can not forget and remembering hurts
Its like losing you again every time I remember you
I want to so bad, want to see your face
I want so bad to hear your voice
I wish so bad that we were together
But nothing here in this place
Can bring you back
And I pray and I pray
Just to dream about you
But I dream of mundane
And things untrue
I ask God to bring me dreams of you
Or bring me your ghost so we can talk
Mostly my shame and all my regrets
Are driving me sick and wont let me heal
Because all that I should have done
And all I should have said
So much left undone
not having you here
not seeing your face
missing you
it never gets easier
each day is a waste
but the times we had
they were so beautiful
your smell, your voice,
you laughter,
your ways…
all of it perfect in every way.


  1. It almost feels as if I've lost two sons. But if your writing helps heal you in even a small way it will be so worth it. Just keep writing and remembering. I love you, Momma

  2. You write beautifully Buddy. Keep writing! In 1991 I lost my oldest sister (cancer) my dog and my mother! I prayed that I would see my sister and my mother in my dreams. But God sent a dream to me. It was my silly goofy black lab slashing in the deep water of a huge lake we live near. I am afraid of water! I called for him to come to me and he jumped from the water with all the splashing around him. He looked at me and I woke up. That dream told me I would see my loved ones in eternity. I hate life lots of times too. But I know only God can control my destiny. I have to trust him. That goofy ole dog taught me lots of life lessons. I hated seeing my sister in pain and she died peacefully and my momma dies two months before her 88th birthday. That woman had 20/20 vision the day she peacefully passed away. She left me her bad bones! I hate osteoporosis but I walk and I try to take care of me. I also have the poorest eyesight ever. I get fearful about losing my sight. I wonder if I will get cancer than I think of my Savior who hung on that cross and died for all mankind and I think if He could suffer for a sinner like me the least I can do is trust Him! Please Buddy keep writing, loving your family and trust HIM! Anne

  3. Buddy please go visit here:
    Spiritual Sunday is a group of folks that post each Sunday. You would fit in perfectly. Come visit soon. God Bless You! Anne

  4. Your writing is very beautiful, and can be healing.