I know that God wants for me to be in this marriage, to make it work. I know that God expects us to take our vows seriously. I'm trying. It's so hard though. I don't know how to show happiness, I wasn't taught. Growing up I was punished by my father for being happy, so displaying smiles and laughing out loud are difficult. Also communication was not something that occurred so I do not always know what I am supposed to say, so many times I am guarded and show little in the way of positive emotion for fear of saying the wrong thing.
We are going to church every Sunday now and that makes me feel really good, and I think it makes my wife happy too. I am working on personal growth and trying to get my mood swings and emotions under control. I am always trying. That and praying is all that I can do. I do not plan on giving up. This is my home, and this is my family. I love them and they are worth whatever effort it takes to get this marriage on track.