I wish I could forget... because I almost can't remember

I am haunted by the image of my Brother, lying in his coffin with his eyes closed and glasses off, like he was sleeping. His lips were slightly parted on the right side, with just a glimpse of his teeth.

I can't remember seeing him alive and it's breaking my heart. I almost can't remember his voice. I can't look at pictures of him because it hurts so much. I hate being alive without him. I hate so deeply not having him with me. I've had my heart broken before, but this is beyond that. This is like having your eyes cut out and knowing you'll never see again, or having your back shattered and knowing you'll never walk again.

This hurt will never go away.